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Sex and The Mind Of The Married Woman
We haven’t had television hooked up at our new place since we moved in, and I don’t even miss it. It’s amazing how few shows actually speak to what I’m thinking and feeling on a daily basis (except the...
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My Kids Beat Me Up
But it was an accident. I’d hate to think there was such thing as your worst prejudice being confirmed, but every time those mini-males manage to injure me, accidentally or not my first thought is...
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How To Tell Your Children You’re Getting Separated: Part Three – Cage Fight
You and your baby daddy/momma have come to an accord about how to handle the news, you’ve picked the time and place, and suddenly, you find yourselves in front of the innocent, carefree faces of your...
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Life Sucks And Then You Die
Today would have been the fifteenth anniversary of my ex-husband and my first date. If we had made it. “You kinda made it,” helpfully supplied my eight year old at dinner last night. “Sure we made it,”...
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All Or Nothing
That’s the attitude in life that has consistently damaged me. It’s the reason I didn’t finish college, instead of staying on with just a few subjects, I quit altogether. It’s the reason I drifted away...
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Ten Reasons To Be Proud Of Yourself Right Now
1. You didn’t kill anyone today, including but not limited to your spouse, your children or your pet(s). 2. You refrained from giving anyone the finger in traffic (double points if you live in Los...
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Letter To My Son (To Be Opened When You’re Older)
Dear David, Despite our best precautions I see that you are not adjusting well to the separation. My clue to this is that you tell me you hate me roughly three times a day, and while I know that it’s...
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How To Survive A Breakup
1. Go to bed. Go directly to bed. Do not collect whatever $ you were making at your job that day, and prepare to marinate in suffering. 2. Netflix – an entire season of Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones...
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Can You Be A Slut And A Mom?
I remember the first time I was called a slut. I had been sleeping around a group of friends at our “brother” high school, including the boy with whom I lost my virginity, and the “body count” was...
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A Re-Cap Of 2013
Dear Esteemed Reader, My kids turned 8 and 9 this year, and with that came the glories of teen angst. They by turns informed me that they hated me, hated themselves, and hated each other. Also, there...
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Should I Date A Much Younger Guy?
Last night I took myself out on a date and got a little fresh. I gazed into my own eyes, played footsies with my other foot, and used a vibrator shaped like a Chapstick to get myself off in the...
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Loving Yourself Before You Can Love Someone Else
Is bullshit and here’s why; when I met my now ex-husband, I hated myself. I was fresh out of a short but painful relationship with a possessive alcoholic who would white knuckle for a few days while he...
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Meet My New Boyfriend
Post-Coital Selfie His name is Zwei and he’s from Germany, so I expected there to be a cultural difference, me being a Jew and all. Also most of the other toys I’ve dated have been from China. Not so....
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Meet My New Girlfriend
I have always been up front about my sexuality, at the risk of my female friends throwing me some side-eye. Don’t worry, I don’t want to sleep with you. If I did, I would have come onto you already,...
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M.I.L.F. Does B.D.S.M.
I know I come off all experienced in the ways of the sexy, but I am kind of a neophyte when it comes to BDSM. Sure I’ve been tied up with rope, scarves and tape, and also spanked, but that’s about the...
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Happy Valentine’s Day
Hope you enjoyed my foray into masturbation and S&M as much as I did! Also that you’ve had a day full of love or sex or at least not too much bitterness. I thought I would post this love poem in...
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How To Date A Sadist
1. Excel at making the same mistakes over and over. The more times you let the sadist back into your life after swearing not to, the more times they can fuck with your head! They’re precious that way....
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The New Sex
In the last couple of weeks I’ve had more Skype-, phone- and Facetime-sex than I’ve had of “the real thing.” In this virtual world, where I can procure anything online from sandals to strychnine, why...
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Recently Detoxed Off SSRI’s And Ready To Part-ay
Hi there! I’ve been sober a good chunk of time, but recently made the highly personal decision to stop using anti-depressants to medicate my personality. I’m sexy, smart and great at your office party,...
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Why I Don’t Want Your Husband
Cameron Diaz, who is my spirit animal, recently shared in an interview that she feels she makes her married friends uncomfortable. In her view, it is inconceivable to her friends that she has chosen to...
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